Chapter Three
After saying that and not denying his claims Kate stood in silence for a bit. Watching as Zac rolled his eyes and of course she wanted to call him on it because there he was again acting like a damn child.
“Don’t you roll your eyes at me!” Kate told him as she raised her voice as if she was talking to one of their kids. “I swear it’s like being married to a five year old.”
“Well you chose to marry me,” Zac told her and he did have a point. She had indeed chosen to marry him.
“Because I thought you would actually grow up someday,” Kate replied back honestly. Knowing she had, had hope at first but now any hopes she had were gone.
Zac shook his head after she spoke, “No, because you thought you could change me.”
“I never…” Kate began but stopped her sentence as she shook her head. Because no, she hadn’t thought that or well maybe she had but had realized way too late that she never could change him.
He was Zachary Walker Hanson and he was going to be as stubborn as he wanted to be.
“I’m not an idiot, Kate,” Zac started as he spoke again. “I can see right through you now. I was your last choice, but you thought you could change me. Turn me into a good boyfriend and husband. Didn’t really work out for you did it?”
“Zachary this isn’t you,” Kate sighed as her voice went soft. Walking closer to Zac again as her brain searched for what to say next. Only settling on one possible thing. “What’s he done to you?” she asked fearing that maybe Carrick had brainwashed him.
Maybe Zac wasn’t really gay or maybe she was just back in the denial phase.
“Bad choice of words, Kate,” Zac snorted in reply to what she said. “You really don’t want me to tell you what he’s done to me.”
Feeling sick again, Kate gagged on reflex but quickly composed herself. “Did he….did he hurt you? Did he make you do these things?” she questioned showing just a bit of sympathy. “You need help sweetie..”
“No I don’t. Don’t you dare act concerned,” Zac said and he did sound like he didn’t care that she was concerned because she was in her own way anyway. “I’m gay, end of story. It’s not Carrick’s fault. It’s just what I am.”
“I’m not allowed to care about my husband now?” Kate asked ignoring his comment about being gay because clearly she was indeed back in the denial phase of things.
“You never have before,” Zac told her simply and Kate did feel hurt by his words because she had cared about Zac again in her own way.
Feeling her eyes water as her bottom lip quivered Kate did her best to speak, “How…how can you say that?” she questioned him. “Zac, don’t you love me anymore?”
Zac shook his head at her words, “No. I guess I don’t,” he told her and his words cut her like a knife.
Kate felt her breathing get a bit faster at that, her face relaxing slightly as a lone tear fell down her cheek. But she didn’t want to be weak in front of him so instead she gritted her teeth.
“You’re going to regret this, Zachary,” she warned him honestly knowing he would regret things and this night. Kate would make sure of it.
“Would you prefer I lied?” Zac questioned her and Kate only chewed her lip at that. “Tell you I love you and just pretend to be straight for the rest of my life.”
“You’ve been doing it this long apparently,” Kate stated not sure what would be wrong if he continued a bit longer.
“Right, so I’ll just keep it up,” Zac replied with a snort but Kate went silent as she contemplated it.
Deep down she knew it was just a rhetorical question but the side of her that was in denial didn’t really care. “And why not?” she questioned with a raised eyebrow.
“Because I’m not happy Kate!” Zac literally almost shouted at her.
“And you think I am?!” Kate shouted back at him. “That’s not what keeps a family together, Zachary,” she muttered with a shake of her head. “Grow up. It’s not about being happy. It’s about living your life day to day, doing what needs to be done,” she explained but she also wasn’t sure he’d understand.
After all it was very apparent after tonight that he was still very much childlike.
“So you would rather I be absolutely fucking miserable and live a fucking lie for the rest of my life,” Zac stated as he just eyed her. “So that you can keep playing house here?” he questioned and Kate swore he sounded more hateful with each word he said. “Fuck that,” he practically growled at her.
Which again his growl didn’t scare her, instead Kate laughed once more, “That’s right, I play house. Because everything is just a big game, right?”
“Yeah it kinda seems that way,” Zac spoke harshly and Kate could see that he was literally shaking.
“You would see it that way,” Kate mused hoping to maybe make his anger worse because it gave her a sick thrill. Made her forget her own for a bit. “You’re such a child Zachary! When will you learn that’s not how the world works?”
Zac shrugged nonchalantly at her words, “Maybe I am a child, but you’re a fucking bitch.”
At those words Kate felt a gasp escape her mouth. Though she wasn’t sure why she was so shocked and maybe really it wasn’t shock that made her gasp but her own anger. Along with the fact that she should have seen the insult coming with as low as he was going tonight.
Her anger only grew though when she heard Carrick laughing from the other room. Having obviously heard Zac calling her a bitch.
“I have never been so embarrassed,” Kate gasped out again as she shook her head.
“Oh well not my problem,” Zac stated again seeming so nonchalant.
“I’m your wife Zachary,” Kate reminded him because they were still married right now. “So actually yes, it is your problem.”
Zac rolled his eyes at her words, “I really have bigger problems right now than you being fucking embarrassed.”
“Yes, you do,” Kate replied with a shake of her head.
“Don’t even try to make me feel sorry for you right now, Kate. It won’t fucking work,” Zac told her and Kate just stared at him because of course she wasn’t trying that.
That hadn’t been her intention when she said what she did.
“Of course not,” Kate told him her voice going soft. “I’m sure you’re far too busy feeling sorry for yourself,” she sighed before adding on rudely. “Like always.”
Watching as Zac remained silent but rolled his eyes, Kate almost wanted to call him on it again but he spoke before she could. “I don’t know what the fuck I expected from you, telling you the truth,” he sighed. “But how fucking dare you not even care what I’m going through here.”
Kate felt her eyes widen at that because of course leave it to him to only see his problems. He was gay…gay supposedly and she was the one losing her life, her marriage, her family.
People would look at her and whisper. No telling what they’d say once they knew he was a faggot. No telling how’d they see her then.
“What you’re going through?” Kate asked wondering how he didn’t see this wasn’t just about him. This affected her too.
“I’m fucking gay,” Zac shouted again. “Do you even get how difficult that is to deal with?”
Taking a few steps back from him after he shouted, Kate just looked at him. Again not surprised that all he saw was his own issues.
“It’s not like I just woke up one day and decided to go fuck a dude for shits and giggles,” Zac continued in her silence.
But his words were enough to make Kate grimace and say the first things on her mind. “That’s…that’s disgusting,” she stated because to her it was.
Then again she had been raised her whole life to believe that being gay was a sin. An abomination.
“I have been bottling this up for years. Denying it, driving myself fucking insane trying to figure out what was wrong with me,” Zac continued as if he he hadn’t even heard her words and hell maybe he hadn’t. “Turns out there’s nothing wrong. I just don’t like women.”
“And you don’t think that’s a problem Zachary?” Kate asked him with a quirked eyebrow. “Do I really need to remind you how much of a sin that is?” she asked knowing he had been raised in church too.
Zac knew the bible as well as she did. He knew he was going to hell for being gay, but at least that one was one burden she didn’t have to feel guilty for. Kate wasn’t the one taking him to hell, he was doing that all on his own.
“Like I give a shit,” Zac snorted showing how much he truly didn’t care that he was committing a sin. “When was the last time I actually went to church with you anyway?”
“Well just because you’re damning yourself doesn’t mean I’ll let you drag me and my children down with you,” Kate told him knowing she refused to let him even take their kids down with him.
It was one thing for him to want to go willingly but their kids, Shepherd and Junia were a different story altogether.
“Your children? I was there too,” Zac spoke which made Kate laugh some.
“Barely,” she shot back once she had composed herself because hell it was true.
Zac had barely gotten it up for her so he was barely there. Kate may as well have done all the work herself.
Watching as Zac balled his fists up after her words, Kate half wondered if Zac would hit her. If he’d actually cross that line. “Not really surprising now is it?” he asked though he made no move to hit her.
Which relieved Kate because it meant he had some restraint.
“And here I thought you were just inexperienced,” Kate stated taking another jab at him.
“Bet you wish you hadn’t blabbed to everyone about how bad I am in bed now,” Zac shot back. His words making Kate pause.
They were enough to send a chill down her spine because fuck…they implied people besides her and obviously Carrick knew. “Oh god,” she muttered as she felt her eyes widen slightly. “You…you haven’t actually told anyone have you?”
“What?” Zac asked as he blinked several times before a look of realization hit him. “I’ve told a few people.”
Feeling her eyes widen more at that Kate swallowed hard, “Who?” she asked hoping the fear that she felt didn’t show. “Who did you tell Zachary?”
“Carrick obviously,” Zac spoke and Kate wasn’t shocked by that. “And Taylor.”
But it was hearing Taylor that made her heart beat just a bit faster. Her mind wondering to if Natalie knew. If Natalie knew then that meant Pam probably knew and fuck. It could be spreading like wildfire now.
“Oh god,” Kate muttered as she looked away from Zac briefly. “Anyone else? Or was I the last to know?”
“Can you really blame me for dreading this conversation?” Zac asked her plainly and yes a part of Kate could.
“So you decided to leave your wife for last?” Kate asked feeling like he should have told her first even if he had an inkling she wouldn’t have taken it well.
If it were reversed she would have told him first.
“Not last. Can’t you fucking count? Third,” Zac spoke and his words were harsh. Like he didn’t understand still where she was coming from.
“You’re saying I can’t count?” Kate asked with a snort. “This from the twenty-six year old who can’t spell,” she added on knowing her words were low but it seemed they were both hitting new lows tonight.
“You really don’t ever miss an opportunity to insult me do you?” Zac growled at her for what seemed like the millionth time.
“Not when you keep handing them to me on a silver platter,” Kate smirked slightly. “And you think that’s bad? Zachary, do you have any idea the things I don’t say? The things I bite my tongue for?” she asked knowing she was probably asking for trouble but also not sure she cared.
Zac only blinked as he looked at her, “What?!”
“You heard me,” Kate spoke knowing he had heard her loud and clear.
“Really, do tell,” Zac replied sounding fed up with her. “What more could you possibly find wrong with me?”
Kate laughed as she shook her head, “I really don’t think we have time for that.”
“Then I won’t bother listing all your flaws either,” Zac told her and Kate felt her eyes narrow as she gritted her teeth. Bu before she could speak Zac opened his mouth to go again. “Let me give you the short version. You’re a fucking cunt.”
Kate only gasped at that and again she could hear Carrick laughing from the other room. But even with the anger she felt no words came. She was too stunned to speak.